If I had to guess, I'd say this post is going to rank #2 in Google for [darren slatten] before the day is over. That means that anyone who Googles the name "Darren Slatten" will see something like this:

Am I worried about it? No.

The only thing that worries me is the strong possibility that Google's SERP will NOT look like that. In fact, I already know it won't look like that. Google consistently indexes and ranks YOUmoz posts within 12 hours, but caching the page takes longer. So the "Cached" link won't show up right away (neither will the page size, but I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to make fun of SEOmoz's morbidly obese web pages). Plus, after I finished Photoshopping my SERP prediction, my incredible SEO site ousted teh Moz from the #1 spot and Facebook dropped a couple of ranks.

But that's not the point. The point is I'm not worried about SERPs that might tarnish my image. In other words, I'm not concerned with online "reputation management." Some might argue that this is a poor example because once someone clicks on the search result, they'll realize that I wrote this post. Fine... then check out these other examples.

My SEOmoz profile (which usually ranks #1 for my name) begins with this paragraph:

I try to be funny or helpful whenever possible, but sometimes I'm just annoying or offensive. If I have annoyed or offended you, then I encourage you to damage my reputation and my future... by leaving negative referrals on my SEOmoz Marketplace résumé.

Should anyone actually view my Marketplace résumé (which usually ranks #2 for my name), they would find the following qualifications listed:

College Degree: none

Certifications: CPR training

IQ: ~150

Not to mention the interesting assortment of avatars I've used in the past:

And then, of course, there's the countless comments and posts I've written that are intentionally offensive to as many people as possible and which have earned me one of the highest thumbs-down scores in Moz history.

But my reputation mis-management doesn't stop at SEOmoz. For example:

• My website is registered under the domain seomofo.com and it looks like something a first-grader could design.
• I rewrote all the information on my LinkedIn profile to optimize it for [curriculum pita]--not a fake profile, but my actual profile that was already "linked" to all kinds of "important industry people."
• I befriended all the "important industry people" I've ever come across on Facebook... using this as my profile picture:

You get the idea. I don't just dismiss the idea of reputation management--I proactively destroy my own reputation. How can I afford to do this? The answer is simple: I don't need reputation management. I let my work speak for itself.

I have only been doing SEO consulting independently for a year. During this past year, I have had to turn down about 20 people/companies who wanted to hire me, simply because I didn't have enough time. This might not seem like a huge number, but keep in mind that I've done virtually nothing to promote myself. These potential clients have all contacted ME. The closest I've come to any kind of advertising is when I offered khilley some free SEO advice on how to rank her website (a Cape Cod tour guide that provides Cape Cod tourists with information about Cape Cod tourist attractions) for the term Cape Cod. That little encounter alone has generated at least 3 referrals, and all I did was showcase my abilities.

When it comes down to it, "reputation management" doesn't change your company's product or service; it merely changes people's perception of your company. Everyone knows that Wal-Mart is owned by evil billionaires (bevillionaires?) who treat their employees like slaves. Yet our condemnation just can't seem to overtake our love for low prices on toothpaste and underwear, can it? So if you find yourself spending considerable time on reputation management, maybe you should consider selling something that doesn't suck.

My point is this...

Reputation management is like link-building. If people value your shit, you don't need to worry about it.

[NOTE:  Since this post is obviously going to win the YOUmoz Blog Theme Contest for April, I think it's safe to assume that some of you will be feeling some resentment towards me--probably because you're jealous of my writing skills, my sexy legs, and my $50 Amazon gift card. Therefore, I'd like to offer you all a safe outlet through which you can channel your anger and vent your inferior, gift-card-unworthy feelings about me. Please feel free to damage my reputation and my future... by leaving negative referrals on my SEOmoz Marketplace résumé.]