The year was 1999.  Dissatisfied with the difficulty of finding topic-relevant information on “the Internet” that he had personally invented only two years earlier, technology industry visionary Al Gore Jr., invents a means of significantly improving the search process with the creation of the world’s first “Search Engine,” based on a complex mathematical formula that he coins “The Al Gore Googlrithm”.

 

Al Gore Jr. Invents "The Al Gore Googlrithm"

Unbeknownst to Gore, two young enterprising Stanford University students majoring in computer science and possessing an affinity for spamming (among other things) hack into the server containing the Googlrithm and steal the code.

One of the two (Larry Page), well known around campus for pulling crazy gags that friends admiringly refer to as “PagePranks,” devises the idea of transposing the title words of Gore’s original invention and dubbing it the “Google AlGorithm” to diss the original creator – as hackers often will.  The two then take it a step further by scraping and cloning the Gore search engine website and posting it as their own under the domain www.google.com.

 

Stanford Hackers "Larry Page & Sergey Brin" Break the Code!

Sadly for Gore, the story doesn’t end there.  Fast forward to 2000.  Having since recovered from yet another invention being stolen (his first invention had been previously claimed by some crazy Englishman named Timothy Berners-Lee ), Gore finds himself in a heated race to become US President, simply needing to win the state of Florida to assure his victory.

Gore's woes continue as, in yet another act of hacker defiance, Larry Page pulls another of his famous PagePranks.  Having successfully stolen additional code to improve the now renamed Google AlGorithm, with a feature known as “geo-targeting,” Page deviously figures out a way to specifically control the search engine results in the state of Florida.

Applying some wily tactics disguised under the fancy designation of “Search Engine Optimization,” Page manipulates the search engines for specific keywords and phrases.  In particular, any searchers using word phrases such as “vote for gore” are greeted with the top website featuring fake photos of Al Gore nude and wearing religious headgear.  A large percentage of the American populace, unaware of this magic art of SEO, are both mortified and frightened, assuming if it’s at the top of Google, it must be true.  The second site, also manipulated by Page, is www.bush2000.com.

 

"Vote For Gore" Search Engine Results Manipulated!

Needless to say, George Bush would go on to win the election by 543 votes, despite Al Gore winning the popular vote 48.38% to 47.87% (but who’s counting).  The new American President, over the following eight years, with the help of hunting pals Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, would practically destroy every ounce of goodwill toward the United States around the world.

Thankfully, in a small measure of justice, Gore Jr. would go on to win an Academy Award, a Nobel Peace Prize, and ONE MEALLLION DOLLARS for his work on global warming.  Months later, when questioned about “how his life was going” during an interview with CNN’s venerable Larry King, Gore would respond, “Things have been going pretty darn well ever since I invented a way to save the world.”  This invention would later be claimed by God himself; thus once again thwarting Gore’s claim of a world changing (or saving) invention.

George Bush, for his efforts, went on to have a Presidential library (that he would never visit due to its lack of "picture books") named in his honor.  Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld would go on to shoot each other during a boar hunt.

The two young hackers from Stanford (Larry Page and Sergey Brin) would go on to incorporate Google, become billionaires, and rule the world that Al Gore claimed to have saved!

The end.

 

Sean Maguire is Managing Partner and Principal Consultant for 360SELL, a Sales & Marketing Consulting company.  In a spirit of "first to market," - Happy (early) April Fool's Day!